Corinne's facial feminisation

2003 was the year I finally decided to transition for good. But before doing so I had to make some structural changes...

The guy behind the chick

After living a dual life for many many years, I finally came to the conclusion that I couldn't continue to do so any longer. At 48 years old I had the painful impression that my life was whizzing past me at high speed and I hadn't yet been able to live as the person I felt I was inside. I realised that all my energy was going into snatching as much time as Corinne as possible, with consequent damage being done to my family and my job. My life was built from the very start on rotten foundations and I was successful in nothing: two broken marriages, and an unexciting career history. I was living a lie, hiding a very deep and dark secret, acting out my life according to what was expected of me.

I decided to start hormone therapy in 2002 and tackled my employer about transtioning. An outright refusal at the beginning turned into a very grudging acceptance at the end of 2003, subject to my being accepted by my colleagues and then by our clients. It was vital I keep my job so I decided to make a very heavy financial investment in my face so I could pass as well as possible. I therefore decided on facial feminisation surgery (FFS) as a vital step... before even my sex reassignment operation.

My usual feminine look prior to FFS

I have been constantly criticised as being too tarty in my look, and while this was relatively ok in private life, I was going to have to present myself in a more conservative light professionally. The hairstyle is what others seem to object to most ! Here I am with my dog Tanya near where I live, on the lake of Annecy in France. As a matter of interest one can see my breast growth after 8 months on female hormones...

Clinic Turin, Paris, France

The first thing I did was to have my shortsightedness corrected as wearing contact lenses was a real bother and I didn't want to wear glasses as a girl. I opted for laser correction at the Clinic Beaulieu in Geneva and went during my lunchbreak. It was a bit scary but half an hour later I had the most amazing vision ever and drove back to the office, working a couple of hours then I had to go home as I was becoming more and more sensitive to the light. I spent 24 hours at home in semi darkness, suffering as if I had sand in my eyes. After that I made a rapid recovery and went back to work.

In early september 2003 I took 3 weeks holiday and took the train to Paris to check in at the Clinique Turin. I had chosen Dr. Bui who is a well respected plastic surgeon and a specialist in facial feminisation of transsexuals. On the menu for tomorrow morning: forehead and brow reduction (this entails cutting from ear to ear along the hairline and peeling the skin down over the face to file away the bone... gulp !), jaw and chin reduction, rhinoplasty and laser abrasion of the lower face. A pretty heavy piece of surgery really but I had absolutely no doubts about what I was doing and my faith in Dr. Bui was total. I felt totally calm and at ease.

My friend Ester came to pay me a visit in the early evening then I went to bed without needing the sedative offered by the nurse. I fell asleep immediately with my teddy bear Moo and was awakened at 06.30 the next day. Today's the big day... will I at last look like a REAL girl ???? I had my betadine shower then went back to bed. I was fetched at 08.15 and wheeled to the operating theatre where Dr. Bui drew lines on my face, and I said to him "Doctor - feminise me as much as you can !" Then I went peacefully off to sleep.

I came to, about 6 hours later, shivering, in the recovery room. My first thought was "I've finally done it !" I could hear a small girl nearby asking "When can I go back to my room ?", to which the answer was "We're going to take this lady (me !) first then it'll be your turn". I spent 2 days wafting along in and out of consciousness, sleeping really badly at night and recuperating during the day. The problem was I had to sleep on my back because the metal staples I had from ear to ear were hurting on the pillow. I was very uncomfortable but had little pain.

3 days after FFS !

I was woken for breakfast after an awful sleepless night during which I had back-ache after lying on the operating table for 5 hours. I vomited a quarter of a litre of blood which had gone from my nose into my stomach during the operation. I couldn't eat anything all day and just slept. The pain wasn't too bad but the bit that had been lasered around my mouth was burning.

I slept and slept then at 03.00 I went for a walk around the Clinic in the semi dark, pushing my IV drip. A nurse removed my mask and cleaned my stitches in my hairline, then bandaged my face which felt a lot more comfortable.

My blocked nose is not at all pleasant. All I want at the moment is to sleep... The following night was again sleepless until I asked the pretty Cameroonian nurse Lea for a pill which zonked me until breakfast time. She came in and was touched by the sight of me lying with Moo in my arms.

In the morning most of my bandages fell off, helped here and there... So I was able to inspect a little more closely. I'm so incredibly tired. I left the clinic and staggered through the métro, not far away from fainting... but with my finances as they are I couldn't afford the luxury of a taxi. At the Gare de Lyon I bought a ticket to Annecy and slept most of the way. Despite my horrendous face people were too polite to stare. My ex-wife picked me up at Annecy and was shocked at the sight of me but I was pleased to see her all the same. I weighed myself and discovered I had lost 4 kg. in 4 days.

After the first FFS

Here I am after a month. The changes in the chin were not apparent because I needed the soft tissue done in the second FFS operation which was due in december. The changes were subtle but real, especially in my profile, and I found I could pass much better than before. The most surprising thing was how quickly the awful mask from the laser abrasion cleared up - just 7 days and I could hide the redness completely with make up. I have gained a lot of peace of mind from this operation even if I'm having acute difficulties in finding the money to pay for it !

Second FFS - December 2003

I took the train again to Paris on december 19, after saying goodbye to all my work colleagues because they would never see me again as a guy. This was my last day as a man ! I checked into the clinic and went to bed early, sleeping well until I was woken up at 07.00 and told to take a shower as quickly as possible. Today I was going to have a face lift, upper and lower blepharoplasty, Adam's apple reduction and lipostructure of the cheek bones and lips.
I was fetched at 08.30 and had a quick discussion with Dr. Bui who said the jaw coudn't be reduced further because of the nerve that runs inside it. As far as the lipostructure is concerned he said it stays a long time in the cheek bones but that I'd lose 80 % in the lips as they are mobile. Bui drew lines all over my face. Off I went to sleep so gently I didn't notice it.

I awoke very slowly in the recovery room, whispering over and over my 6 year old daughter's name. I desperately needed to pee but had lost my voice so waved my arm in the air. The nurse said "I'll bring you the bed pan, madame". It was shoved under me and I managed to pee straight ! I was eventually taken to my room and lifted onto my bed by a male and female nurse as I had no strength at all. I remember holding onto the woman's hand and she had to extricate herself with a surprised laugh.
I felt so lonely and in need of affection. I spent the whole day and night totally weak, unable to move. The drug in the iv drip was making me pee every 15 minutes and I had to keep asking for the bed pan. What was nice was that everyone was calling me madame. I awoke at about 07.30, and they disconnected me from the iv and the 2 drains each side of the back of the neck. I was able to get up and wash and go to the loo.

My face looked like a football, with very swollen and scarlet eyes, cheek bones a mile wide and really swollen lips. The rest was bandaged. Dr. Bui's blonde assistant came to change the bandage and told me I could leave at midday. I called my cousin Véronique who lives in Paris and she came to fetch me and took me to her lovely appartment in the centre of Paris and I went straight to bed.
We had lunch - all I could eat was soup, omelette and salad cut into minuscule pieces. Back to bed until supper and more soup. I'm exhausted... No pain but I can't sleep on my back and sleeping on my side puts too much pressure on the staples behind my ears. I woke at midday and took the bandages off prior to having a shower... I don't recognise myself ! My face is totally mishapen but obviously it will find its correct proportions over the next few days. I washed my hair, dressed in pullover and jeans, totally androgenously. On my way to the métro station I was addressed as madame by a woman, despite having no make up or feminine clothing. In the train I was again addressed as madame, and when I went to the supermarket the next day, again with no make-up, it happened a third time. This is really cool !

So here is my new look a few months after my second FFS. The new hairstyle and the new look mean I pass almost all the time. It's wonderful to be left alone when walking in the street - no more stares, nudges, giggles, comments. I am no longer the prey of the translovers but now tend to get passes made at me from normal guys. The next operation is my SRS and breast augmentation on september 1 2004 in Thailand.
My colleagues at work seem to like me better than before and I feel twice as dynamic and actually wake up on monday mornings full of the joys of spring ! Living full time as Corinne since the beginning of 2004 has given me a peace of mind I never dreamt existed - a 10 ton weight has fallen off me, one that I've been carrying since I was born.
Six months later I completed my first business trip as Corinne, to Denmark, Finland, Norway and Sweden and all my contacts without exception have been remarkably positive and encouraging. I chose to be completely open about my transsexuality and we have laughed uproariously together about the shock that they have had. But it's the same everywhere I go : with one or two rare exceptions, everyone seems so broad minded !

An entirely new profile

Perhaps the biggest change has been to my profile. The nose has been completely redesigned, as has the jaw. I used to have what I felt was a very masculine profile... and now it's gone forever !

A year later 2005

Here I am a year later. My face seems to have become even more feminine... perhaps it's the continuing effect of the hormones. Incidentally this is also 6 months after my sex change operation in Thailand. My transformation is complete... and I've found peace at last !